The Magic of Ordinary Days

Life is settling down these days.... all the boxes unpacked.... all the closets organized.... and as long as you don't look at my garage , the illusion of perfection is there! Life is back to normal....

   I wake up to the other side of the bed messed up and usually the sheets are yanked to that side.... the sheets smell of AXE body spray and pillow is bunched and rolled instead of flat..... all evidence that the love of my life was here last night.... It is so good to have him home.... I love to reach out in the middle of the night and just place my hand on his back and feel him breathe.... the occasional snore  and grunt are heard. And just in case my imagination is working, i am further reminded that he is really home , when i find towels on the floor of the bathroom, the toothpaste lid is off, watter all over the counter where he shaved and underwear and socks on the floor BESIDE the laundry hamper..... I love it all....

   The kids realize I am awake and I am immediately engulfed in arms legs and "MOM!!!!" 's lol....
I love my new kitchen.... I thought at my last house that i had a big kitchen.... well I have a really BIG kitchen..... I made cookies today.... then decided to make cupcakes just for the fun of it..... What an awesome blessing to have a nice kitchen!

   My hubby has a "man" chair now!!!! Sometimes I sit in it while hes gone..... just because I CAN!!!! and i love to see his face when he comes home unexpectedly and catches me in it!!!! *giggle*

I have redone all my picture frames to show updated pictures.... and I find myself walking by and stopping to look at them.... my kiddos are growing up sooooooo fast..... Justin will be 2 next weekend.....  cant believe that it has been that long.....

Warren is such a young man..... definitely my kid..... Kinda wish that sarcasm gene had skipped a generation.... but what can i say.... he gets it honestly.....

Nathan is .... well .... NATHAN..... hes all boy..... he is a new super hero every time i see him.... earlier he was Captain Super Bat Lantern...... using a pieces from 4 different costumes.....  Hes such a riot....

i love hearing my kids come flying down the stairs when they hear daddy come thru the door in the evenings or when i yell "Daddy's Home" in the door!!!! Then I get to see my hubby used as a jungle gym for a while....

I love sitting down to eat with my family..... talking about all the days events and whats coming up.... the kids telling knock knock jokes..... arguing with the kids over eating their vegetables.....

And most of all..... I love the kisses i get from the hubby..... NUFF SAID!!!!

Ordinary days are the BEST!!!!

Gods Overwhelming Blessings

I have had so much apprehension about moving, yet again, across the country, to a town that I have only passed through with a quick stop to eat or spend the night..... Knowing no one.... and not   knowing anything about where I was going or where we might live, if we would find a good church, or if we would even have the money it would take to settle in and get started.... we have stepped out on faith and prepared ourselves for this move as best we can with what God has provided us!!!! The trip was a tough one..... 3 little boys in the backseat of a car, trunk and floorboards jammed full, and my hubby and I said our goodbyes to family and friends and cranked the car and drove away. I felt ripped apart. For the 3rd time in my life I said goodbye to my mom (for the purposes of moving away) and this time was the first time I felt like I was leaving my best friend as well as my mother. I resisted the urge to cry, knowing that my kiddos would take their cues from me (I did however breakdown into a hour long cry that night after the kids went to bed at the hotel that night). We made the 3 day trip and arrived at our destination as scheduled with minimal issues.
We checked into the hotel here on Ft Riley. Next order of business..... House hunting!!!!!

We went to post housing to see what they had to offer..... AMAZING!!!!! God had a 4 bedroom 2.5 bathroom, 1958 sq ft house..... Brand new construction!!!!  And an immediate move in....I have been wandering this house for several days now trying to decide where to put things and how I want to decorate....

Suddenly, I am overwhelmed by Gods Grace and Generosity..... He has provided all of our needs and more.... I have my husband, my kids, a new beautiful home. suddenly I have a new outlook on this new place , God has blessed so much.

Now I am praying for a good church, good Christian friends and Neighbors that are less nosy than the neighbors of the past! I pray that I can unpack the house and that I can settle in and get into a routine before the school year starts. And I also pray that I can make my husband proud of the home we make here.

I still miss my mom. I still miss my friends. I still miss the familiar city that has always been Home. My roots will forever be ingrained in NC, But more so than that, my roots are ingrained in Christ... and HE is with me wherever we are! So I know he is here with me in this new place. And I pray that He will assist me in making a life in this unknown world called Kansas!

~Discovering Virtue~

Proverbs 31:10~
           ~A virtuous woman, who can find? For her price is far above rubies.~

I have often heard Proverbs 31 used to define what God sees as Beautiful. I guess this is as good a place to start as any. I have read this passage many times. I dont think i have ever really stopped to ponder what it means or think about how it could apply to my life..... so looking to this passage with new eyes, lets see what i can find....

What exactly is Virtuous? when i hear that question I think of Honesty, Loyalty, Sweet, Kind, Patient, and Purity. At this point, I already feel like I have bitten off more than I can chew.... This long look in the mirror already has me shaking my head.....

I have known a few extremely amazing women in my life..... The one that stand front and formost in my my mind is Reva Marcum.....I adopted this lady as my "grandma" when I was really young..... I look back and remember her for her gentleness and kindness. She always had a smile on her face. She always had a kind word to say to everyone in her path. I remember her singing hymns in her kitchen while cooking and I remember her praying with me before I went to sleep on the nights I spent at her house. She was always busy doing something.... cooking, cleaning, sewing, and various house hold activities. She oozed what i would call Proverbs 31 Beauty....

I also think back and remember Mrs Stroud..... She was something else..... every time I would go to church she would greet me at the door with 2 questions and a verse!!!! Did I remember to read my Bible and Did I remember to Pray that day..... and along with that she would quote a verse that had touched her heart that week.... Never failed.... as sure as the sun rises.... that was the greeting you would recieve.... What an example of seeking after Gods heart.

So over the next few blog post I will seek to discover exactly what each quality of the Proverbs 31 woman means, which ones i possess, which ones I need to achieve and how to achieve them.....

I suppose this feeling of being over whelmed is natural.  This is going to be a long journey. But one I feel will be well worth it.....

Beautiful in God's Eyes

I guess the best place to start my Journey is to start at the beginning. I am sure that evaluating the past will give me a better insight to what God would like me to change, as well as the qualities that HE is please with already......

I grew up in a happy home. I attended a Baptist church, and we were there every time the doors were open. I attended a Christian School. I had an *INCREDIBLE* mom. I had a very hardworking dad that sacrificed alot of himself and his free time to ensure that my brother , sister and I had everything we needed as well as a Christian education. I was never particularly close to my siblings because of the age difference.... They were 5&6 years older than me. But that was due to the fact we were just in different stages of our lives. I was extremely close to my mother. We spent hours talking and reading and doing various activities. There was nothing we couldn't talk about. Life was great..... or so I thought.....

I was 13.... My mom wanted to talk to me..... we settled into her bed ..... the the word..... "DIVORCE"...

WHAT?!?!?! For one brief second, i thought this was a sick joke..... but one look into my moms face and seeing there the tears and pain..... I knew life had in 2 seconds changed forever.... nothing was ever gonna be the same.... This wasn't supposed to happen to us.... this happened to other families.... Not to mine.... I recall laying there with my mom, crying until exhaustion claimed me and sleep came..... The next few days are a blur.... I must have muddled through them. I mean, I am still here. I just remembered that my perfect world had come crashing down.... there was nothing there but a shattered memory of what was..... 

The next few years were full of anger, bitterness, depression, rebellion, and heartbreak...... A combination of lack-of-caring and distrust of everyone and everything, along with the confusing and crazy hormones of being a teenager who's frontal lobe hadn't completely developed yet made for a disastrous combination. I mean how do you trust the adults in your life when they are responsible for the disaster in the first place? I began to look for affirmation in my peers.... particularly boys..... who weren't showing a whole lot of interest.... I began to see my self as worthless and unlovable..... 

I did have one friend..... ..... she was always there to listen.... we had our squabbles and spats.... but she never turned her back on me..... i don't really know how she dealt with my crazy life, but she did.... The one Hi light of my teen years.... 

Things went from bad to worse.... 

I was 18.... finally.... I could leave this stupid town.... this stupid state.... this stupid life..... I was gonna make it on my own.....I joined the military.... I know what your thinking..... but it was really a good move.... it taught me some discipline and loyalty, selfless service and honor..... 

I made several friends.... still searching for acceptance in all the wrong places..... and searching for my self worth in a man.... I met and married a man that i had absolutely no business marrying.... we had nothing in common.... We had the fireworks.... but that was about it..... and I mistakenly accepted that as love.... by the time I had figured out my mistake, I was pregnant with my son.....  

I wanted my son to have everything in the world that he deserved.... A family that was intact.... and happy childhood and  all the love he could stand..... I want to make it work for him..... Don't get me wrong.... I grew to love his father..... at least what i thought was love.... I guess in hindsight it was more dead determination not to become a divorce statistic.... not to become my parents,.....to prove to the rest of the world that they were wrong.... maybe it was the overwhelming fear of abandonment that made me fight so hard to save that marriage..... whatever it was it was rooted in pride and stubbornness.....

2 military moves, a deployment, another baby, and 5 years...... There it was again..... that dirty word..... DIVORCE..... i was a failure.... i had become the very thing that i had detested..... a statistic.... a single mom.... this did nothing for my self esteem..... who would want me now..... I was damaged goods.... if the father of my children couldn't love me .... then who could? The mirror was a hateful thing..... I looked in it and couldn't stand what i saw..... Failure, ugly, stupid, fat, idiot, moron, ...... who could ever love me?

Its funny how life comes full circle..... The church was what i had run away from..... now i was running to it..... Walking in the door.... the familiar hallways and faces seemed to give a peace that I hadn't felt in a very long time.... although i still didn't know where i belonged.... i felt a tug at my heart. I chose to go to the Singles Sunday School class..... I wasn't single but i was headed that way again......

Over the next few months I began to realize that God loved me for who i was.... flaws and all.... I wasn't damaged goods to God.... I was his child.... I was a princess.... Over the next couple of years , I began to see myself  in a different light..... Many days I faked confidence while i  was so unsure on the inside....  I was raising 2 little boys all on my own and i had no clue what i was doing..... I was working to provide for them and doing the best i could......

I began to learn about myself.... to find myself in God... to build my faith and to find his purpose for me.... 

I began to rebuild the relationship with my mom that had been shattered so many years before..... And sometimes it felt like 1 step forward and 2 steps back..... but i was lucky.... after everything i had said to her in years past.... she still forgave and loved me ..... we worked on it together and she has now become a source of strength for me..... but more than that.... she is my friend!!!!!

God eventually brought my husband into my life.... in a manner that would make some people laugh!!!! trust me I laugh all the time..... but God works in mysterious ways.... he really showed his amazing way this time.... I finally learned what true love was.... I learned that Love isn't just a feeling.... its a promise.... a trust.... a fellowship between 2 people.... I can think of so many ways Brandon changed my life..... I still find it hard to believe that I am worthy of his love.... but he shows me every day that I am.

A year after we married, Brandon adopted both my boys..... thus filling the cracks of the broken home.... the family mad of broken pieces was whole.... as if it was never broken..... After another year we had the opportunity to adopt our 3rd son.... and our family grew !!!!

How have I found such favor in Gods eyes after everything I have done wrong in my life..... that God would bless me with such a wonderful family?!?! How have I earned the trust that he must have to give me this responsibility????? I wanna be more than I am..... I wanna be a good wife and mom..... 

So with that being said.... I step forward..... The Bible as my guide.... I seek to be

                                                                                  ~BEAUTIFUL IN GOD'S EYES~